• The quality of or state of being happy

  • Good fortune, pleasure, contentment, joy


  • Pleased or glad, indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy

  • Favored by fortune or lucky


I never understood why I wasn’t happy, but, even by its own definition, it isn’t meant to always be. Life is a composure of emotions and feelings, but it is our decision of how to respond to those feelings that dictate the quality of life we will have. I thought I was searching for happiness, but I was really looking for a better quality of life.

Feelings aren’t facts, only a momentary response to something that has happened, how I feel, until I process the reality of the matter to know how I should respond.

I never understood that, so I was a chronic reactor. If I felt some way, that must be truth. Yet, it is only a half truth. How I feel is only my side of the story, and if I wanted a better quality I was taught to stop reacting and start processing. I needed to allow my brain to do its job by not letting my feelings interfere until I could formulate the correct response. Simply put; sometimes it is better to do and say nothing.

In my desperate attempts prior to this lesson, I not only never obtained any real happiness, I found myself on the opposite side most times; depressed, anxious and trapped by misery. I struggled to maintain healthy relationships with family, friends, partners. I could not control my emotional nature, acting out in anger, fear and frustration. I could not move ahead in a job, struggling to even make a living and support myself and my children. I felt useless. The harder I tried to be happy, the more unhappy I became.

The harder I tried to grasp the sand, the more it slipped through my fingers.

Then, the waves of despair came crashing down on my weak little castle. I hit a depressive low. My life seemed like a pathetic state and I would rather be washed away with the tide than awake to another day to feel this way. I had nothing to live for, yet I had everything to live for. Faced with the ugly choice to continue in this insanity or end it all, I saw that neither was really an option.

I had to figure out how to live.

Life has a way to bring to us exactly what we need when we are ready to accept it, and I met a woman that was to become my mentor, my role model and my closest friend. She may not have known me, but she knew my pain. She had felt it, too, and risen above to live a fulfilled and content life. Now, it was my turn to learn how.

First, I had to stop reacting and trying to be happy.

I had to learn to accept life on life’s terms. It is okay to not always smile, to be sad, to be angry and most importantly, to feel. It is not okay to let those feelings run my life and dictate how I respond to things. Then, life began to change. I started to find calm, to be at peace and to appreciate the happy times as well as the unhappy moments. I began to live a better quality of life.

Stop looking for happiness. It does not come from anything outside. No person will ever make us fully happy. No gadget, no amount of money, no amazing experience will ever last forever. If I can suggest anything, it is to give up the quest for this fleeting feeling and instead search out a mentor; one who will encourage and challenge you spiritually, to learn to live in the moment and to find fulfillment and peace regardless of the circumstances around us.

Life can only be as good as we make it. Today, I am healed of this chronic reacting. While I am not immune to a flair up and can still sink down, I remember life is my choice, my quality of life is how I respond and I am happy when I know I am at peace.

Peace and blessings to you the reader and may your journey be kind!


Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

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