As the Beatles once said, “All you need is love. All you need is love, love, love.”

Love is hard enough to find for those who don’t have any disabilities; it is nearly impossible to find love for those with disabilities. If you manage to find it, you are very lucky.

Let’s chat about sex

Let’s talk about SEX! Let me ask you this: Do you enjoy sex? Now, let me ask you: Do you think adults with disabilities enjoy sex? YES, we sure do! I believe disabled people should have a healthy sex life. They have sexual needs, just like you do. This subject always hits hard. I do enjoy having sex, but no able-bodied man wants to touch me. The few who do are lousy guys who only end up wanting to take advantage of me and use my body as a toy. However, the part that is important is that I know what “great sex” is, and I want to ensure that all adults with disabilities can also understand what it is to have a good sexual experience. 

Sex workers and people with CP

Why do we deny the needs of our adult sons and daughters with CP while we turn a blind eye to our husband who sometimes goes out to a strip club? Really, this is messed up thinking, to me. The last time I checked, sex falls right under the category of health. We have all kinds of services that address other areas of health, like occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech therapy. Why not sex?Prostitution is one of the world’s oldest professions. Why is it such a taboo subject?

Why doesn’t healthcare cover helping adults with or without disabilities learn how to feel the joy of an orgasm?

In the Netherlands, they have “sex care”, and they report the following: studies have shown that people who have sex are usually happier and less frustrated than those who don’t. Every human being needs physical touch and intimacy, whether they are disabled or not. What if healthcare were to cover sex care? Why not? Adults with disabilities such as autism, cerebral palsy, and Down syndrome, no matter what their mindset is, need sex, just like everyone else. Instead, many people with disabilities either never have sex or are sexually abused by people who have fetishes for those with disabilities.

To me, sex is just something I see in the movies, on T.V., and in books. It is much the same as Santa Clause. Why not let sex workers work with adults with disabilities? Have them make a connection before having sex, like any therapy? Go and see the movie The Sessions. It is based on the article ‘On Seeing a Sex Surrogate’ by Mark O’Brien, a poet paralyzed from the neck down due to polio, who hired a sex surrogate to lose his virginity. This is something I relate to strongly because I did, in fact, hire a sex surrogate to lose my virginity to. I wanted my very first time to be safe. However, I read a national study report that stated 70% of people with disabilities surveyed claimed that they had been sexually abused. This caused me to call it off. Let me speak the truth; I will never regret my first sexual encounter with a man. It was something so raw, so breathtaking. Seven years now and I have yet to find the words to describe my sexual experience with the man that I Ioved.

Soulmates, but can’t act on it

At least Romeo and Juliet were able to run off to make love. This story is like Romeo and Juliet, but without the poison. I knew a fantastic couple who loved each other. Their names were Jake and Julie. Jake and Julie each had a disability. Each lived at home, still with their parents. They had been together for over ten years and wanted to get married. Jake’s dad was a bible beater that did not want them to get married for some unknown reason. 

I also should mention, both Jake and Julie were over the age of 40.

It makes me sad to see my friends playing kindergarten games and such at nights, knowing that society doesn’t let them explore the wonders of making love. If sex care was something we practiced here, I bet they would help Jake and Julie and others like them be sexual with each other. 

Where in the law or the bible does it say that people with disabilities cannot have sex?


Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

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