Best Florida Man Headlines of 2020

There is one thing that 2020 has not taken away from us, and that is more wild Florida People headlines.

Get ready to laugh because Florida People are at it again! Here are some of the best Florida People stories of 2020:

1. Florida Man Arrested with Heroin and Bogus U.S. $100 bills with Chinese Writing

Apparently he tried to pay for a hotel room with counterfeit money. How he thought he’d fool anyone with Chinese writing, I’ll never know.

2. Florida Neighbor Calls 911 After Mistaking Parrot for Woman Screaming

After hearing screams of, “help! Help! Let me out!” from his neighbor’s house, a man called the cops. When they got there, however, they found out that the person screaming for help was, in fact, a green parrot named Rambo. It’s still a mystery why a person would teach their parrot those words, however.

3. Central Florida Man Caught by Alexa, Arrested for Theft from Assisted Living Facility

A Florida man wanted for stealing from the elderly was finally caught, thanks to the Amazon Alexa device. This is further proof that Alexa really is always watching.

4. Florida Woman Sues for Paternity Test on Goats – No Kidding

Seriously – she’s not kidding. She wants to know how much the goats she purchased are worth.

5. Florida Woman with Bullet in Her Head Given Band-Aid and Released From Hospital

Guys…. They didn’t even take the bullet out of her head.

6. Florida Police Made a Traffic Stop and Found a Bag Full of Drugs Fittingly Labeled ‘Bag Full of Drugs’

The police pulled over a man for a traffic violation and found a literal ‘Bag Full of Drugs”.

7. Florida Driver Damages Parked Cars After Hopping Curb in Citrus County

“Damages parked cars” seems to be a bit of an understatement in this situation. Apparently, a man backed out of a drive-thru and didn’t stop until he’d demolished these cars.

8. Florida Woman Arrested After Assaulting Boyfriend with Candy Cane During Argument

The candy cane caused bruising and swelling to his elbow. I didn’t know that candy canes were that dangerous.

9. Florida Man Hid Face with Underwear to Steal Walmart Electronics

And this wasn’t his first time, either! It seems like underwear is his disguise of choice.

10. Florida Man Driving with Candle Sets Car on Fire

The man was driving with a scented candle burning, which fell and lit a bunch of papers on fire. This prompted a warning sent out to local residents advising not to driving with fire.

11. Florida Man Tries to Avoid Arrest by Hiding Underwater in a Pond, Gets Caught When he Comes up for Air

It’s straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon.

12. Florida Girl Puts ‘Help Get Me Out of Here’ Sign on Window Because She was Struggling with Homework

Someone saw the sign and called the cops, thinking there was a trapped person in there. What they discovered was a little girl struggling with math homework.

13. Florida Man Pretends to be a Prosecutor, Tries Dropping Charges Against Himself

He used extortion to try and get money out of a car dealership – and when he was caught, pretended to be a prosecutor and declined to file criminal charges against himself. He is now facing seven felony charges.

14. Florida Woman Lists ‘Manatee’-Shaped Chicken Tender for $5,000

I mean… I guess it sort of looks like a manatee?

15. Florida Woman Arrested for Distributing Porn-Filled Easter Eggs to Random Homes

The ‘deranged offender’ dropped these eggs in a bunch of mailboxes, violating coronavirus lockdown restrictions. She was caught because she concentrated her debauchery on one area.

16. Florida Man Attacks Victim Who Didn’t Thank Him for Holding Open Door to Liquor Store

The fun starts at around 50 seconds. Taking politeness to a whole new level!

17. Florida Man Arrested After Asking Deputies for Booze and Ice Cream

He called 911 several times to ask them for liquor and ice cream. Because that’s who you call for all your grocery store needs.

18. Florida Woman Arrested for Asking 911 How to File for Divorce

I guess you call 911 for all your needs. Apparently she called 911 several times with non-criminal complains about her husband. Look at that  face – she thinks she can get away with anything!

Now, for the coronavirus headlines.

You can imagine how coronavirus went down in Florida, and we have the headlines to prove it!

19. Florida Politician Says Coronavirus Cured by Blowing Hairdryer Up Nose

“This sounds really goofy — and it did to me too — but it works… Sometimes the cures for some of these diseases are very simple.” –Florida politician

I echo the awkward response he received when proposing this idea: “……………..Ok….”

20. Florida Deems WWE Pro-Wrestling ‘Essential Business’ Amid Coronavirus Pandemic

Because what could be safer than a bunch of people WRESTLING during a PANDEMIC?

21. Florida ‘Church Leader’ Took Credit for Trump’s Bleach Idea, Charged in Miami for Selling Covid ‘Cure’

He called it a ‘Miracle Mineral Solution’, which was made from MMS, an industrial bleach. It was sold out of the made-up Genesis II Church of Health and Healing. I feel like people should already know this, but apparently they don’t: DON’T DRINK BLEACH!

22. At a Yoga Retreat in Bali, There was No Coronavirus. Florida Woman Came Back to a Reality with No Toilet Paper

Can you imagine? You go to an isolated island for a mediation and yoga retreat, only to emerge into a sci-fi movie…. And no toilet paper.

Florida People never fail to disappoint.

A somewhat entertaining end to a pretty horrible year. Onward to hopefully greener pastures!